Momma,

I laid in bed last night not able to sleep because I was thinking of you. Has it really been 14 years since we lost you? Sometimes it seems like it was just yesterday and other times it's hard for me to believe that I ever even knew you. The few memories that I have of you almost seem like a distant, wonderful dream. I can still remember that day so clearly. The day you left this world. I remember being in my second grade class. The office secretary came over the intercom and told my teacher to send me to the office. She told me to bring all of my things because I wouldn't be coming back to class. I have to admit that at first I was a little excited, getting checked out of school was usually a lot of fun for me. It didn't even cross my mind that I was getting checked out because I had lost you. Because I had lost my best friend. I will never forget seeing dad and Matt through the glass windows to the elementary school office. Matt had his hood on and his head was hanging in his hands. Dad was trying so hard to look like everything was ok. But I knew. Even as a 7 year old I could tell something was wrong. And I knew just what it was.

I constantly wish you were here. I try and imagine what my life would be like with you in it. What would it be like to have a mom to call up anytime I want? I know that if you were here we would talk every day and you would know everything about my life. I know that we would be close not just as mother and daughter, but as friends. Now that I am a wife I try and think like you would, because I want to be just like you. I hope that one day I can be the wife to my husband that you were to dad and the mom to my children that you were to me. You were the absolute best. I sometimes wonder if you would be proud of the person that I am today. I hope so. It hurts me to think that I have already spent more of my earthly life without you than I have with you. I hate that my husband doesn't even know you and that my babies will never meet their grandmother. But for now, I will have to live with that. I am so grateful for the plan of salvation that allows me to be with you again. I can't wait to be reunited with you, ma. What a wonderful day that will be! Until then I will be thinking of you always and missing you every day. 

Love you for ever,

Ang

Finals week...

Today was the beginning of my dreaded finals week. Well, it actually wasn't too dreaded. I have been looking forward to this week because that means the end of the semester. I have to admit though, my week didn't start out at all how I imagined it. 

The past little while Matt has been having some back pain and I finally convinced him that he needed to go to the doctor. His appointment was at 9 this morning and since we only have one car his mom said that she could pick him up and take him while I headed to Provo to knock out a couple of finals. I was literally walking into the building where I had my final when Matt called me. I asked him how the appointment went and he told me it didn't go so well.. apparently the doctor took an x-ray and found out that Matt's right lung was collapsing. He was on his way to the hospital where he was going to have to have surgery. Well of course I freaked out. I immediately started bawling and ditched my final to be at the hospital with my Matty. 

Apparently it's a genetic thing and common in tall skinny guys. So we got him checked in to the hospital about noon and waited around until 6:30ish when the doctor came to do the surgery. The whole surgery only lasted about 30 minutes. They had to take a tube and insert it in his chest. The tube will stay in him for the next 2-3 days and will slowly suck out all of the air that has been compressed around his lungs. His sweet mom was at the hospital all day with us and she actually stayed in the room for the surgery (unfortunately, my weak stomach could never ever handle that). She said that as soon as they inserted the tube she could hear the hissing sound of the air being released. Crazy.

Matt was out for about an hour after the surgery. When he woke up and started talking he was hilarious. The first thing he said to me was "I am now more machine than man." and then his head hit the pillow and he was out again. Then he woke back up and asked me to raise his bed so that he could talk to "his people" and let them know that they were in danger. 

This has been the longest most emotional day of my life but I am so so grateful for the peace and comfort that my Heavenly Father blessed me with. I am grateful for priesthood blessings and worthy males who can administer them. I am grateful for the power of prayer and that I can use it any time. I am so grateful for all of the family members who prayed for him and called and texted with their concerns. I am so grateful for my husband. Even though he wasn't close to death today I had a lot of time to reflect about our lives together. He is so wonderful. He makes me happier than I could ever imagine and I look forward to many, many more happy years with him.

One Day

Have you ever seen a movie that just really effected you? Maybe I am the only one but sometimes I will see a movie that I just think about for days and days and cannot get out of my head. I haven't had it happen since I saw 500 Days of Summer, but it happened the other night. Me and Matt went to his parent's house for dinner and his is mom, Dodi, said that she had watched a movie the other night that was a real "tear jerker". Anyone who really knows me knows that I am a sucker for tear jerkers. I don't know why. My dad always used to say to me "Why would you watch things that make you sad when there are enough sad things in life already?" He's right. Life can be really tough on its own so I'm not sure why I would spend my time watching something that is written specifically to be sad. It's bad too because I always get super depressed when I watch sad movies or listen to sad songs. I always put myself in the situation of the main characters and apply what is going on in the movie to the people that I love. I guess I have a serious love/hate relationship with sad movies. I think it's a relationship that I need to end. Like, seriously. But anyway, last night I didn't think about how unhealthy this relationship might be. As soon as I heard my mother in law say the words "tear jerker" both Matt and I knew there was nothing that could stop me from watching that movie.

I can't really recommend the movie because there were some themes in it that are a little offensive. But it is a really cool idea. It shows this relationship between two friends throughout a span of 20 years and it shows their ups and downs and how they progress together. When it ended I was so sad. I cried and cried. I would calm myself down and then think about it again and cray all over. The next day I watched the trailer like 5 times and cried some more. Anyway, if you are looking for something to make you cry, check it out. Matt liked it too so it isn't a complete chick flick...

one reason for every year

So Friday was my sweetie's birthday. He turned 22. I feel bad posting this a couple of days late. I wanted to post this on his birthday but these past couple of days have been crazy busy. Matt's birthday was such a good one. I will post more about that some day. Right now I just want to talk about the reasons why I love my Matty. I could give a million reasons but today, in honor of him being 22, I am going to give 22 reasons why I am so dang in love with Matthew John Weiler.

(In no particular order)....

22. His singing voice. He always says he has the worst voice but I LOVE when he sings to me. Sometimes I'm even lucky enough to have him sing me to sleep. Is there a better way to fall asleep?
21. He is so creative. He writes songs, raps, paints, draws, does photoshop, writes. His mind is amazing. Sometimes I wish I had it (ok I wish I had it all the time. I'm the opposite of creative)
20. He puts up with all of my crazy. For example, a few days ago I found out that out of all of my siblings living out of state NO ONE is coming for Christmas. I literally laid in my bed and bawled for 30 minutes or more. Matt laid next to me, held me in his arms, wiped my tears away, and did and said everything he could to make me happy.
19. Speaking of Christmas, I don't think I know anyone that loves it more than he does. And I really love that.
18. He's the handsomest guy I could ever dream of. I love his eyes and his smile and his hair and his tall 6'4'' body. I love EVERYTHING about him! I could stare at him always.
17. He is so cute with kids. Both with his nephews and mine. Kids just love him. I know that he will be the best dad ever.
16. He supports me in anything that I aspire to do. Whether it be baking, learning to sew, decorating our house, doing well in school, or anything else you can imagine. He is my number one fan.
15. Sometimes when I am in a bad mood he will say a joke and try and make me laugh. Sometimes it works and I laugh and all is well but other times I don't crack so easily.  When that happens he tells the same joke (sometimes in different variations) over and over until I finally laugh at him trying so hard. I really do love it. It's hilarious.
14. I love that he really is my very best friend. We will get laughing so hard when we are with each other and we have the greatest time when we are together.
13. When things really suck in my life, he is the one and only who makes them better. Whether it's with advice he gives or through his humor, he always finds a way to make me feel like things are better than I think they are.
12. He is always trying to find ways to make me happy. He is constantly going out of his way to make my life a little bit easier and much happier.
11. He is willing to try anything with me. Even if it's singing a song on a karaoke stage that neither of us really know just because I was dying to sing it. (Don't you want me.... haha)
10. He is such a hard worker and won't rest if there is something that needs to be done. I know that I will be taken care of for the rest of my life because of him.
9. He loves Harry Potter with me
8. Whenever he does something, it doesn't matter if it's for school or work or church or just as a hobby, he puts his whole heart in to it and does his best in every area of his life.
7. He makes me feel like a million bucks every single day.
6. Family is so important to him. I know that no matter how busy he gets, he will always make time for me and other family members.
5. He lets me cry, vent, laugh, complain, and gossip to him.
4. He's a dog person. That says a lot, right? (just kidding cat people. You're cool too.)
3. In all the years that I have known him I have never felt stupid or uncomfortable around him. He has a way of putting me right at ease. Which really is saying a lot because I will be the first to admit that I can be a big ball of crazy sometimes.
2. I love that way that he treats his mom and sisters. He's a sweetheart to them and as long as we have been dating that is something I have looked for. He is just a sweetheart.
1. He has such a great testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that he will stay close to the truth always and that he will help me to as well. He helps me to be to be my best self and makes me want to be my best self. He took me to the temple to be sealed for time and all eternity and that is the greatest gift I could ever want.

Happy birthday my love. I look forward to spending many more birthdays together.

10 reasons why Matt and I aren't being Rosemary's baby for Halloween

For the past two Halloween's I have been dying to have Matt get home from his mission so that we could do an awesome couple costume together.  Seriously Matt was back for probably a week when I told him that we had to start thinking of what we could be for Halloween (10 months in advance). Needless to say I have been pretty excited about it. I had come up with several awesome ideas but Matt continually turned every single one down.  Then one day Matt had the weirdest idea ever.  He excitedly told me that we should be Rosemary and Rosemary's baby from the book/movie Rosemary's Baby. Well I gave him an absolute "no" for an answer but for some reason every time someone asks us what we are being he tells them we are dressing as Rosemary and Rosemary's baby. He says he's kidding. I'm pretty sure he's not. Whether he's kidding or not, I wanted to set the record straight and let everyone know we are NOT being Rosemary's baby. Here's why:

10. I don't want to be Rosemary

 I don't like her outfits in the movie. I don't like her hair. It's a boring costume. And besides those reasons, I don't look like her (which I guess you don't really HAVE to look like what you are dressing up as but it always helps...). More importantly, I don't want to have anything to do with Satan. 

9.  I don't want Matt to be my "baby"

That would be creepy, right?

8.  I don't want Matt to be Satan's "baby"

Wouldn't that be even creepier? I don't want my husband to be Satan's offspring. Even as pretend.

7. Satan wouldn't want Matt as his baby

In the story, satan wants a baby to do some "hell raising" on earth. The only hell raising Matt's ever done is spray his 4 year old nephew in the face with a watergun on his birthday. Ok... maybe that does fit the part.

6. Matt wouldn't even be able to pull of being a baby

My 6'4'' husband trying to be....

This? 

Please. That'd be hilarious.

5.  Hardly anyone would know what we were even dressed as

Let's be honest. How many of you have ever seen the movie and would guess a couple dressed as Rosemary and her baby? Probably no one. If anyone guessed what we were they would just guess I was a fat lady and Matt a big tall zombie.

4. It isn't a movie we really want to be advertising

It's about a woman who gives birth to satan's baby. Enough said.  

3. They would both be boring characters to act like

Matt would walk around crying all night and I would just be pregnant.

2. How would we ever be able to compete with these guys?

 

1. The last and most important reason why we absolutely are NOT being Rosemary and her baby this Halloween is.......

it's a stupid idea.

(No explanation needed)

So sorry Matt, for bursting your bubble. But we won't be looking like this for Halloween.

Life keeps on changing, you tell it to stay still but it won't listen

My little sister moved to Logan. My baby sister. Ok, I guess I shouldn't call her a baby because 1. she's only 2 and a half years younger than me and 2. She's not a baby. Not even close. She's a beautiful woman now. But still, I feel like she is so young. I have always been so protective of my little Rica. I remember yelling at little 3rd graders when I was a 6th grader and they were teasing her. I worried everyday when she started high school. I never worried about her making friends because she is the most loveable person you could ever meet, but I worried about her finding friends that would be a good influence on her. That would help her do what is right. Then she made it through high school with a ton of friends and a super strong testimony. Now she is living on her own. In Logan where I can't even keep an eye on her. But I know that she will be so great. I know that she will stay close to her Savior and do all the things she is supposed to. Now I am just worried about me. I don't know how I can live without my baby sister...
So here's to you little Rica. I love you so much! You are the best sister a girl could ever ask for. I will miss having you be there whenever I come to Dad and Lynell's house. I will miss listening to new music that you have found. I will miss borrowing your cute clothes and having you help me stay stylin'. I will miss having you just a short ten minute drive away. I will miss dry bath (haha just kidding, that only happened once). I will miss watching flicks with you. I will miss glee project on Sunday nights. I will miss spying on you and di-lon when you are snuggling on the love sac. I will miss your treat baggies that you are so famous for making. I will miss talking to you about everything. I will miss laughing with you. I will just miss having you around. Seriously, my heart aches to think of you leaving. But I am so happy and so excited for you. You will have the time of your life.
I sure love you Erica.

Rainy days and Sundays

Sundays. I love them. A nice break from the rest of the week. Yesterday was a particularly good Sunday. Here is what I loved about it....

making cookies

Playing games with Matt

Making dinner and eating it together (our first Sunday not going to one of our parent's for dinner !! )

Lounging in Matt's basketball shorts (which are basically capris on me) and watching the rain through our screen door while he talked to his ma on the phone

Going to see the "Up" house...

That had the perfect "Up" mailbox...

And the sweetest old "Up" man

Playing with my babiest nephew Eli <3

Glee project!!!

Matt being fine with the results of glee project and me being furious

And last but CERTAINLY not least of what I loved about Sunday.....

WE GOT INTO POTTERMORE!!!!!!

Matt stayed up so late (I won't tell you how late or you will think we are the biggest Harry Potter nerds ever. Ok. He stayed up until 3) so that we could get the clue to find the magic quill. If you have no idea what I am talking about I will try and explain, JK Rowling is doing something called Pottermore where she is adding to the Harry Potter books (thank GOODNESS) and she is allowing 1 million people to see the site before anyone else does. Each night this week she posts a clue and when you enter the answer it takes you to another webpage where you have to search for the  magic quill. So Matt and I found it and we got in! We are 2 in a million.

Well there you have it. My wonderful Sunday. Now I have to begin a new work week and I'm another week closer to starting my senior year at BYU (blah). Too bad everyday can't be like this relaxing, fun, rainy, beautiful, husband-time, Harry Potter Sunday.