Momma,

I laid in bed last night not able to sleep because I was thinking of you. Has it really been 14 years since we lost you? Sometimes it seems like it was just yesterday and other times it's hard for me to believe that I ever even knew you. The few memories that I have of you almost seem like a distant, wonderful dream. I can still remember that day so clearly. The day you left this world. I remember being in my second grade class. The office secretary came over the intercom and told my teacher to send me to the office. She told me to bring all of my things because I wouldn't be coming back to class. I have to admit that at first I was a little excited, getting checked out of school was usually a lot of fun for me. It didn't even cross my mind that I was getting checked out because I had lost you. Because I had lost my best friend. I will never forget seeing dad and Matt through the glass windows to the elementary school office. Matt had his hood on and his head was hanging in his hands. Dad was trying so hard to look like everything was ok. But I knew. Even as a 7 year old I could tell something was wrong. And I knew just what it was.

I constantly wish you were here. I try and imagine what my life would be like with you in it. What would it be like to have a mom to call up anytime I want? I know that if you were here we would talk every day and you would know everything about my life. I know that we would be close not just as mother and daughter, but as friends. Now that I am a wife I try and think like you would, because I want to be just like you. I hope that one day I can be the wife to my husband that you were to dad and the mom to my children that you were to me. You were the absolute best. I sometimes wonder if you would be proud of the person that I am today. I hope so. It hurts me to think that I have already spent more of my earthly life without you than I have with you. I hate that my husband doesn't even know you and that my babies will never meet their grandmother. But for now, I will have to live with that. I am so grateful for the plan of salvation that allows me to be with you again. I can't wait to be reunited with you, ma. What a wonderful day that will be! Until then I will be thinking of you always and missing you every day. 

Love you for ever,

Ang

Finals week...

Today was the beginning of my dreaded finals week. Well, it actually wasn't too dreaded. I have been looking forward to this week because that means the end of the semester. I have to admit though, my week didn't start out at all how I imagined it. 

The past little while Matt has been having some back pain and I finally convinced him that he needed to go to the doctor. His appointment was at 9 this morning and since we only have one car his mom said that she could pick him up and take him while I headed to Provo to knock out a couple of finals. I was literally walking into the building where I had my final when Matt called me. I asked him how the appointment went and he told me it didn't go so well.. apparently the doctor took an x-ray and found out that Matt's right lung was collapsing. He was on his way to the hospital where he was going to have to have surgery. Well of course I freaked out. I immediately started bawling and ditched my final to be at the hospital with my Matty. 

Apparently it's a genetic thing and common in tall skinny guys. So we got him checked in to the hospital about noon and waited around until 6:30ish when the doctor came to do the surgery. The whole surgery only lasted about 30 minutes. They had to take a tube and insert it in his chest. The tube will stay in him for the next 2-3 days and will slowly suck out all of the air that has been compressed around his lungs. His sweet mom was at the hospital all day with us and she actually stayed in the room for the surgery (unfortunately, my weak stomach could never ever handle that). She said that as soon as they inserted the tube she could hear the hissing sound of the air being released. Crazy.

Matt was out for about an hour after the surgery. When he woke up and started talking he was hilarious. The first thing he said to me was "I am now more machine than man." and then his head hit the pillow and he was out again. Then he woke back up and asked me to raise his bed so that he could talk to "his people" and let them know that they were in danger. 

This has been the longest most emotional day of my life but I am so so grateful for the peace and comfort that my Heavenly Father blessed me with. I am grateful for priesthood blessings and worthy males who can administer them. I am grateful for the power of prayer and that I can use it any time. I am so grateful for all of the family members who prayed for him and called and texted with their concerns. I am so grateful for my husband. Even though he wasn't close to death today I had a lot of time to reflect about our lives together. He is so wonderful. He makes me happier than I could ever imagine and I look forward to many, many more happy years with him.

One Day

Have you ever seen a movie that just really effected you? Maybe I am the only one but sometimes I will see a movie that I just think about for days and days and cannot get out of my head. I haven't had it happen since I saw 500 Days of Summer, but it happened the other night. Me and Matt went to his parent's house for dinner and his is mom, Dodi, said that she had watched a movie the other night that was a real "tear jerker". Anyone who really knows me knows that I am a sucker for tear jerkers. I don't know why. My dad always used to say to me "Why would you watch things that make you sad when there are enough sad things in life already?" He's right. Life can be really tough on its own so I'm not sure why I would spend my time watching something that is written specifically to be sad. It's bad too because I always get super depressed when I watch sad movies or listen to sad songs. I always put myself in the situation of the main characters and apply what is going on in the movie to the people that I love. I guess I have a serious love/hate relationship with sad movies. I think it's a relationship that I need to end. Like, seriously. But anyway, last night I didn't think about how unhealthy this relationship might be. As soon as I heard my mother in law say the words "tear jerker" both Matt and I knew there was nothing that could stop me from watching that movie.

I can't really recommend the movie because there were some themes in it that are a little offensive. But it is a really cool idea. It shows this relationship between two friends throughout a span of 20 years and it shows their ups and downs and how they progress together. When it ended I was so sad. I cried and cried. I would calm myself down and then think about it again and cray all over. The next day I watched the trailer like 5 times and cried some more. Anyway, if you are looking for something to make you cry, check it out. Matt liked it too so it isn't a complete chick flick...