Saturday, October 2, 2010

Blue skies are coming

What's my deal? I have been so down in the dumps these last couple of days. Have you ever had those few days when you just feel sad for no real reason? A slow cute love song will come on when I am listening to my ipod and suddenly I feel like I want to cry. I get home at the end of the day and just want to go to bed because I feel depressed when I walk into my apartment. I cannot get myself motivated in school. I completely BOMBED my statistics tests. So bad that there's no coming back from it and I'll probably end up dropping the class so I don't end up failing. I feel like I'm stuck in this rut in my life and I'm not moving forward at all. It's so frustrating to be a junior in college and not know what I want with my life. Everyone around me seems to have a grip on life and what they want to do but I am just struggling. It's no fun to feel like this.
But guess what? Good news, there's always light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes it seems like these ruts that we get ourselves into will never end but they always will. How do I know? Because I have an amazingly strong testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I have come to know my Savior and I know that He suffered and died for me so that when I get down in the dumps like this He can be the one person who knows exactly how I feel. Even if the reasons for me being sad are meaningless in the grand scheme of things, He is always there sympathizing with me. Most of the time I feel like I am so undeserving of the wonderful gift of the atonement that He has so graciously given to me. But whether I am deserving of the gift or not, He still gave it to me and I will use it everyday because lately I have found that I can't get through this life without Him. And honestly, why would I want to? I am only truly happy when I am serving Him. 
So I am positive that blue skies are coming because my Savior won't let me be living a life full of gray skies for too long.

3 comments:

  1. angie, i love you. thanks for sharing this! i am so sorry that you have been feeling down (i hate, hate, hate that-- i'll sob at everything, i once sobbed at a tire commercial once i believe...) anyway, your testimony was beautiful and i am so happy we're friends! i know i am married and not nearly as fun as i once was (i like to think i was fun back in the day haha) but just know i am always, always here for you! i love you :)

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  2. That was a great motivator, and it really helps me because I have those feelings that you talked about all the time. Sometimes life is just hard, even though we are SO blessed, some days are just a little gloomy. Love you ang, thanks for the great reminder.

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  3. HI Guy. Thanks for sharing your feelings. The amazing thing that I have discovered about life is that EVERY life is filled with a healthy dose of suffering and a large part of suffering is depression and gloominess. I certainly have passed through some very dark times.
    Its important to remember that some of these feelings are to be expected and should be accepted, but we do not have to accept them all.
    I have some wonderful books and amazing ideas that have forever changed my life with regards to depression and gloominess that I would love to share with you.
    Just remember that every living human being suffers with depression to one degree or another throughout their lives. We are chemical beings and much of what we feel (not all) is induced via chemicals.
    I'll call you over the weekend to talk about it. Love you bra!
    PS: Do NOT sweat the stats class, and do not stress that you don't know what you want to do with your education. Do what I told you on the phone--drop stats and take it via independent study. Also, what hurry are you in to graduate? Who cares that you don't know exactly what you want to do. It takes time and in many cases (mine) lots of trial and error. :) You will find it.
    PPS: thanks for the testies.

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